Why is it always me that gets to remove rogue critters from a school? Or gets brought animals (salamanders, scorpions, dead black widows, kittens) and asked to care for them? Oh, wait…it’s because everyone who worked with me knows that I did four and a half years as an emergency veterinary technician aide.
Anyhow…picture this:
I’m about twenty weeks pregnant with Beren (the one who decided swallowing a Band-Aid a few months ago was a good idea). I’m bigger, but still reasonably mobile. I hear screaming from the hallway outside my classroom. Now, this is unusual. Generally, if there was shouting going on, it was almost always coming from my room in the response to some lab/demo/something going sideways. Not this time. Now, am I somewhat curious? Sure. Have I learned over time to take the ‘not my circus, not my monkeys’ approach to outside pandemonium? Also yes. The smarter option is almost always to shut the door.
Too bad I didn’t get the option this time.
One of the paraprofessionals pokes her head in, and said the FACS teacher needs rescuing from some manner of serpent. Now, before the question arises, animals getting into the school wasn’t common, but not rare either. Most of the classrooms on that side of the building had exterior doors (mine included) and stuff would sometimes sneak in under the doorframe or when we had it open to let some air in. No big…I’ve done this kind of thing before. I’m not bothered by snakes, though I can speak from experience that being bitten by one isn’t exactly fun. I grab an empty storage tub and head out into the hallway, after telling my Chemistry class to keep working on their wave-particle duality practice. I was lucky…that crew was trustworthy enough that I could leave them unsupervised for a hot minute (though I would never dream of doing so with my freshmen).
Hoo boy.
It’s not just any snake. It’s a baby copperhead, though I know better than to say as much in front of the already panicking FACS teacher and very nervous para. This changes things a bit. Getting bit by a nonvenomous snake hurts, but isn’t super harmful unless the holes get infected. A venomous snake is a different beast, especially a baby. Fun fact…if a baby venomous snake bites you, it’s almost a guarantee that they are going to inject venom. They lack the muscular control to inflict a dry bite. This is why I would rather get bitten by an adult snake-they are more likely and able to deliver a warning shot as opposed to the whole venom payload. I was originally planning on just scooping the snake into the container with my hands, but that’s not happening now.
I asked the para to grab some kind of thin cardboard or poster board while I place the container over the (very scared) baby copperhead. It was striking, but luckily it’s range was only a couple inches. She returns with the only thing she could find…some student’s presentation project. It would have to do. I hollered for one of my Chemistry students to bring me the actual lid the the container, and she did so. I slid the poster between the floor and snake, carefully flipped the container over, and very quickly placed the lid. Critter contained, I told Chemistry we were taking an unscheduled field trip to the tree line outside the school. They trooped out behind me, I released the snake, and it practically flew off into the woods. Poor thing.
I made sure that the student who’s project I used as a lid was given an A in recompense for me using their poster as a lid. Yes, my doctor called me an idiot when she found out what I did, and deservedly so. This wasn’t quite on par with me playing matball in velvet flats and an ankle length dress during my first pregnancy, but close (but boy howdy, my students found out that day that their Ren-faire pixie of a science teacher can still hit a line drive fit to take a few years off your life). Yes, I fell and busted my ankle-knee-hips. Yes, I got called an idiot for that one too.
You may be detecting a pattern here….
Hilary
P.S.-since these little friends are very common in my area, here’s a tip. If you are walking around near trees, leaf litter, anything like that and all of a sudden smell cucumbers, you are within spitting distance of an upset copperhead…that’s their alarm chemical. Stop, scan the ground/trees/everything near you. The snake is more scared of you than you are of it, but always take precautions. They see you as a predator, not a prey. If you leave it alone, it will leave you alone.
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