Because of course I’m still up at one in the morning. Why wouldn’t I be?
Love is…weird. I guess that’s the best way I can put it. When I was younger and volunteering at library book sales, I always marveled at the sheer number of romance novels that were on display. At any given sale, I would say a half to a third of the total books would fall under that category. A good majority of those were Harlequin or something similar (no, I didn’t pick those up at the time…I was in middle school and my librarian mom would have kicked my tail).
But dang! Hundreds upon hundreds! And some people would buy whole flats of them. At the time, I didn’t understand the appeal. Thirteen year old me had a very different definition of ‘love’ than thirty-nine year old Hilary does. The few glances I took of some of the contents…yipes. Not my thing then, and honestly not my thing now.
Fast forward to now, and I think I have a better understanding of why those books are so popular.
When I was a kid, I believe I had what I would refer to as the ‘Disney’ ideal of love. It’s effortless, you only have to work a little, and everything turns out okay in the end…the whole ‘happily ever after’ deal. No real arguments, no uncertainty, just the knowledge that true love always wins and everyone who deserves it gets their fairy tale ending.
Life…isn’t like that. At all.
Love isn’t something that just happens. You have to work for it, and work HARD. There’s going to be fights. There’s going to be tears. There’s going to be times when you want to just say ‘screw it, I’m done with you.’ There’s going to be a load of times that you wish you never met this person. You will curse all of the heartache they cause you. You will look back on the times when you were blissfully happy and regret every second of those moments, because they make the hard times even harder.
And even if you do love someone with all your soul, you still might not end up with them. It will hurt. It will hurt like hell, and you will reflect on the day you two met and wish you never set eyes on each other.
It’s worth it. I understand that better as a adult who’s been through my share of relationships, and learned from all of them. Lots of bittersweet lessons, but lessons nonetheless.
Love is patient. Love is kind. Love can be a gut-wrenching, soul-shattering hellscape. It can also feel like you are dancing in a field of Heaven’s roses. Love is grace, not just for your partner, but for yourself. Forgive your screw-ups, and your partner’s, because I can guarantee you both will make a load of them. Love can be laughter and tears at the same time.
And it’s all worth it.