And guess what…you little stinkers are going to be featured! Don’t worry! I’ll change your names.
Maybe.
Here’s a partial list of what will make it into the book:
The day I flooded my classroom.
The sugarcane paper fiasco.
How I traumatized a colleague by accidentally setting him up to witness two students doing something entirely inappropriate in the middle school boys’ restroom.
The goldfish incident for which my former teaching partner is very likely still annoyed with me.
The rancid olive oil soap under the sinks debacle (no, before you ask, I was NOT the author of that stench).
The Book of Exodus caliber cloud of flies I unleashed on one of the custodians.
Ignore the Anatomy Teacher, get a raw beef heart in your hand.
The one and only time I made a student puke in Anatomy class.
The Tale of Snek.
Why are the cafeteria ladies bringing me a live salamander?
The Zoology class wanted to breed guppies, and I foolishly greenlit that plan. So. Many. Fish.
The day a student superglued her boot to the floor, freaked out, and ripped up a huge chunk of tile that I had to hide for five years.
Birdie murder.
Dead eels in the staff room refrigerator does not make anyone happy.
The day I had the English teacher near crawling on the ceiling because I have the tendency to forget that not everyone has the caffeine tolerance that I do.
Why science teachers should not be allowed to play Dungeons and Dragons, or rather, if we are, be prepared for shenanigans.
Yes, that is a jar of newts in the store room. And a preserved bat. And a furry jar. And a liquid that nobody dare identify.
The day I deliberately went cold turkey on caffeine so I could show my Anatomy class what drug withdrawal looks like. Worst. Day. Ever.
What does Sifling get to fix today? Necklace? Bracelet? Copper horse that has been underground for God-knows-how-long?
Oh, so you Seniors are going to plan a little prank, are you? You probably shouldn’t have given me three days to plan a counter-prank.
The day a kid rocked my Ukrainian wool shawl around his waist all day because spare pants couldn’t be found.